An actual letter in Ann Landers:

Dear Annie: I am a 25-year-old mother of one and have been in a relationship with my fiance for seven years. His birthday is next month, and I would like to tattoo his name on my buttocks, but I'm just not sure if it's a stupid thing to do.

He is a great father and boyfriend, and I just want to show him how much he means to me. What do you think? -- DNPN

Dear DNPN: You couldn't just buy him a CD? If you think it will impress your fiance to have his name imprinted on your rear end, go right ahead. It's your body. But keep in mind that skin sags over time and not all relationships last forever.

Get these m-f-ing hamsters off this m-f-ing plane!

Passenger jet makes unscheduled stop ... after hamster escapes

It wasn't ``Snakes on a Plane,'' but an Austrian Airlines jet made an unscheduled stop Friday after a passenger sneaked a hamster aboard and the rodent escaped.

The flight from Palma de Mallorca, Spain, to the southern Austrian city of Graz made a stop in Innsbruck so officials could search for the hamster and make sure it didn't gnaw through any wiring, the airline said.

It said the flight was diverted after a passenger notified the crew that he had brought a hamster aboard and had lost track of it.

Terrorist Squirrels!

Squirrels Go On Attack At South Bay Park

An aggressive squirrel pounced on a 4-year-old boy in an attack last week in Cuesta Park in Mountain View, Calif. ...

In response to attacks, the city of Mountain View has announced it plans to start trapping and killing the aggressive tree squirrels. ...

One viewer wrote, "I come to the parks to watch the wild animals, not the humans. I will no longer visit your parks knowing that any of them have become a killing ground for natural wildlife." ...

"The squirrels will be back," South Bay wildlife rehabilitator Norma Campbell said. "For every one you take out, two more will come in. It could be a never-ending project that isn't going to accomplish anything." ...

This is just going to turn into another quagmire, another Vietnam...

A new way to stalk people!

Bloggers ogle at Google Earth's topless sunbathers

But two of the computer program’s users got an extra surprise when they explored the Dutch city of the Hague - and spotted topless sunbathers.
A Dutch blogger looking for his favourite pub accidentally zeroed in on a man wearing just shorts, lying on the roof of a house by a canal.
A woman lying face down on a separate rooftop terrace was spied by an unknown browser who mentioned it on an online forum.

The sunbathers found their way on to Google Earth because they were catching a tan when the satellite used for mapping the planet was passing overhead.

Other bizarre sightings include "hovering cars" in Perth and missiles in the deserts of Iraq.

Never a dull moment on the campaign trail

Police: Man will be cited for tirade

“He started to put down (U.S. Sen.) Rick Santorum … and he demanded that Rick Santorum come to his home for two straight days,” said Joyce Dombroski-Gebhardt, a Republican committeewoman who volunteers at the center, which opened four weeks ago.

“He was going berserk,” said another volunteer, Gina Nevengloski. “He was as red as a fire engine.”

Tosh also demanded that 200 signs for Republican state House candidate Christine Katsock be placed on his lawn, said Dombroski-Gebhardt.

...

Yeah, I have a lot of confidence in the IAEA

IAEA commissioner falls into water tank at Czech nuclear plant

Jihlava, South Moravia, Sept 23 (CTK) - A US commissioner from the Vienna-based International Atomic Energy Agency (IAEA) emerged unharmed after falling into a water tank at the Dukovany nuclear power plant on Friday.

The daily Mlada fronta Dnes reported Friday that commissioners training at the facility were moving around the plant in a group. One of them, however, left the group and fell into the tank. The water in the tank was not radioactive.

A spokesman for the plant told MfD that the commissioner admitted he had made a mistake. "The rules say that no one is allowed to leave the group," the spokesman said.

Man bites . . . bear?

Panda Bites Man, Man Bites Him Back

A drunken Chinese migrant worker jumped into a panda enclosure at the Beijing Zoo, was bitten by the bear and retaliated by chomping down on the animal's back, state media said Wednesday.
...
"I bit the fellow in the back," Zhang was quoted as saying in the newspaper. "Its skin was quite thick."

Blimey! It Be Talk Like a Pirate Day, Savvy?

September 19 is International Talk Like A Pirate Day!

Proving the Pope right

'Kill the Pope', Sheik says

A HARDLINE Somalian cleric has called for Muslims to "hunt down" and kill Pope Benedict for his controversial comments about Islam.
...
"Whoever offends our prophet Mohammed should be killed on the spot by the nearest Muslim," Sheik Malin, a prominent cleric in the Somali capital, said at Friday evening prayers.

"We call on all Islamic communities across the world to take revenge on the baseless critic called the Pope," he said.

The Iraqi group Jaish al-Mujahidin (Mujahidin's Army) said: "We swear that we will destroy their cross in the heart of Rome . . . and that their Vatican will be hit and wept over by the Pope."

Major case of penis envy

Man rejects first penis transplant

Chinese surgeons have performed the world's first penis transplant on a man whose organ was damaged beyond repair in an accident this year. The incident left the man with a 1cm-long stump with which he was unable to urinate or have sexual intercourse. "His quality of life was affected severely," said Dr Weilie Hu, a surgeon at Guangzhou General Hospital.
...
Although the operation was a surgical success, surgeons said they had to remove the penis two weeks later. "Because of a severe psychological problem of the recipient and his wife, the transplanted penis regretfully had to be cut off," Dr Hu said. An examination of the organ showed no signs of it being rejected by the body.

Funny, but creepy

Big Brother is shouting at you

Big Brother is not only watching you - now he's barking orders too. Britain's first 'talking' CCTV cameras have arrived, publicly berating bad behaviour and shaming offenders into acting more responsibly.

The system allows control room operators who spot any anti-social acts - from dropping litter to late-night brawls - to send out a verbal warning: 'We are watching you'.
...
'Would the young man on the bike please get off and walk as he is riding in a pedestrian area,' came the command.

The surprised youth stopped, and looked about. A look of horror spread across his face as he realised the voice was referring to him.

He dismounted and wheeled his bike through the crowded streets, as instructed.

How dare you call us violent and intolerant!!!

5 churches attacked in Palestinian areas following Pope's comments on Islam

Palestinians wielding guns and firebombs attacked five churches in the West Bank and Gaza on Saturday, following remarks by Pope Benedict that angered many Muslims.
...
In Gaza, militants opened fire from a car at a Greek Orthodox church, striking the facade. A policeman at the scene said he saw a car armed men inside flee the scene. Explosive devices were set off at the same Gaza church on Friday, causing minor damage.
There were no claims of responsibility for the last three attacks Saturday.

"The people who did this are uneducated and ignorant," said the Gaza church's prelate, Rev. Artinious Alexious.

Amen!

"Anyone who describes Islam as a religion as intolerant encourages violence"

Turkish Lawmaker Compares Pope to Hitler

"The emperor comes to speak about the issue of jihad, holy war," the pope said. "He said, I quote, 'Show me just what Mohammed brought that was new, and there you will find things only evil and inhuman, such as his command to spread by the sword the faith he preached.'"
...
"Benedict, the author of such unfortunate and insolent remarks, is going down in history for his words," he said. "He is going down in history in the same category as leaders such as (Adolf) Hitler and (Benito) Mussolini."
...
"Anyone who describes Islam as a religion as intolerant encourages violence," Foreign Ministry spokeswoman Tasnim Aslam said.

So should we be expecting the next round of riots and murder in the name of tolerance?

It's these 'animal lovers' that are the nuts!

He's a Crunchy nut... advert showing man riding dog sparks fury

Breakfast food company Kellogg's has come under fire from animal lovers furious about a television advert showing a man riding a dog like a horse.

Nearly 100 complaints have been made against the new Crunchy Nut Cornflakes advert, which shows a very small man finishing work and riding home on the back of an Irish Wolfhound.

Dog lovers say the behaviour in the scene is cruel and could be copied by children.

However, no action is to be taken by the Advertising Standards Authority, which has dismissed the complaints.

It says viewers would be able to spot that the scenes were computer-generated.

In the advert, the man is seen riding the dog home from work. Text at the bottom of the screen reads: "Don't try this with your dog at home."

After the man arrives home, milk is poured on to a bowl of the cereal by what appears to be the dog's paw. The man is then seen sitting at his kitchen table eating it.

A spokesman for Kellogg's said the idea of their advertising campaign was to depict methods of transport that are so unfeasible they defied reality.
Kellogg's said a vet was present at the shoot to ensure the well-being of the animal. It added that no one actually rode the dog.

The Advertising Standards Authority cleared the advert, providing it was shown away from programmes that children could watch.

Don't Forgive, Don't Forget

Good evening. Today, our fellow citizens, our way of life, our very freedom came under attack in a series of deliberate and deadly terrorist acts. The victims were in airplanes, or in their offices; secretaries, businessmen and women, military and federal workers; moms and dads, friends and neighbors. Thousands of lives were suddenly ended by evil, despicable acts of terror.

The pictures of airplanes flying into buildings, fires burning, huge structures collapsing, have filled us with disbelief, terrible sadness, and a quiet, unyielding anger. These acts of mass murder were intended to frighten our nation into chaos and retreat. But they have failed; our country is strong.

A great people has been moved to defend a great nation. Terrorist attacks can shake the foundations of our biggest buildings, but they cannot touch the foundation of America. These acts shattered steel, but they cannot dent the steel of American resolve.

America was targeted for attack because we're the brightest beacon for freedom and opportunity in the world. And no one will keep that light from shining.

Today, our nation saw evil, the very worst of human nature. And we responded with the best of America -- with the daring of our rescue workers, with the caring for strangers and neighbors who came to give blood and help in any way they could.

Immediately following the first attack, I implemented our government's emergency response plans. Our military is powerful, and it's prepared. Our emergency teams are working in New York City and Washington, D.C. to help with local rescue efforts.

Our first priority is to get help to those who have been injured, and to take every precaution to protect our citizens at home and around the world from further attacks.

The functions of our government continue without interruption. Federal agencies in Washington which had to be evacuated today are reopening for essential personnel tonight, and will be open for business tomorrow. Our financial institutions remain strong, and the American economy will be open for business, as well.

The search is underway for those who are behind these evil acts. I've directed the full resources of our intelligence and law enforcement communities to find those responsible and to bring them to justice. We will make no distinction between the terrorists who committed these acts and those who harbor them.

I appreciate so very much the members of Congress who have joined me in strongly condemning these attacks. And on behalf of the American people, I thank the many world leaders who have called to offer their condolences and assistance.

America and our friends and allies join with all those who want peace and security in the world, and we stand together to win the war against terrorism. Tonight, I ask for your prayers for all those who grieve, for the children whose worlds have been shattered, for all whose sense of safety and security has been threatened. And I pray they will be comforted by a power greater than any of us, spoken through the ages in Psalm 23: "Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil, for You are with me."

This is a day when all Americans from every walk of life unite in our resolve for justice and peace. America has stood down enemies before, and we will do so this time. None of us will ever forget this day. Yet, we go forward to defend freedom and all that is good and just in our world.

Thank you. Good night, and God bless America.

- President George W. Bush, 9/11/01

First it was the light bulb guy . . .

Cell Phones Found Inside Four Prisoners

Cell phones, complete with a charger and data chips, were found in the body cavities of four inmates at a maximum-security prison, and they had used the phones to direct criminal activities on the street, officials said Wednesday.
...
Capt. Juan Ramon Arevalo, director of the Zacatras prison, said the gang members had introduced the cell phones, wrapped in plastic bags, into their bodies through their anuses. The phones were relatively small - about as long as an adult forefinger.

The media continues to amaze me

The reporters seem surprised by this for some reason:

No Signs of Pro-Immigrant Voter Boom
During the spring protests that brought hundreds of thousands to the streets, Hispanic immigrants chanted a promise and a threat to politicians: "Today We March, Tomorrow We Vote." So far, however, there is no indication that such a potent political legacy is developing.

First of all, I think they get the meaning of "Today we march, tommorow we vote" wrong. I'm pretty sure the marchers were demanding the right to vote and full citizenship for illegal aliens, NOT saing they are going to start a big voter registration drive.

Second, pro-illegal immigrant rallies aren't the best places to sign up new voters considering the majority of participants are ILLEGAL ALIENS WHO CAN'T VOTE!

...

I also enjoy/am disgusted by the media's bias here:

The emotional response was a reaction to federal legislation that would have overhauled current immigration policy, including the criminalization of the estimated 11 million immigrants who are here illegally.

How do you criminalize something that is ALREADY illegal?!