Old Fart!

Pensioner with 'disgusting flatulence' banned from breaking wind in social club

After several complaints from members, father-of-three Maurice has been told he must leave the building when he needs to break wind.

The frail widower admits he has a problem but says he often cannot make it to the door in time because his explosive flatulence takes him by surprise.

He blames the outbursts on the potent cider he used to drink but claims his problem is much better since he switched to bitter.

...He said: "It's only a little bit of wind - it doesn't really hurt anyone. I sit by the door anyway and try to get out when I can.

"But sometimes it takes me by surprise and just pops out. I don't want to offend people but I am getting on a bit. ...

"But I was surprised to get the letter from the committee. I know I've got a reputation but I'm much better now.

"They can be a bit loud at times. If I've got time and know they are coming I pop into the porch inside the door.

"There is no smell at all since I gave up the cider and started on the Bass.